i don’t want to die without any scars

Do something. Be something. Risk.

How do you change your perspective of letting things go?

You're going through an incredible amount of hurt. We split up.

It's incredibly painful. Part of the pain is trying to convince yourself this must be the right person and your right person is now with someone else.

I don't believe that. I believe the right person can be that right person when its 2 people chose each other.

Part of the pain we hold on to is believing still that we had this jewel but it's gone. And as much as we may have loved someone and as much as we thought someone was incredible they may have had wonderful qualities, very attractive, all these great things they cannot represent that true dream relationship if they don't choose you.

In fact someone not choosing you is just about the biggest departure from your ideal relationship you can ever imagine.

So when you say “but we were so close”, not being chosen by someone is the greatest turnoff in the world.

Not because there is something wrong with that person but because how on earth when I dreamed of having a wonderfull relationship it couldn't be with the person who chooses to be with someone else.

Then there is the ego element – she chose someone else why not me? What does that person have, why wasn't I good enough?

Now we take the baggage of that forward.

The greatest advice I ever received is “kill your ego”. Because that mother-fucker has no place in your growth. None.

I climb tall mountains a lot. When I go into the thick unknown forest I can get worried about getting hurt, I can get worried about hurting myself, that's ego. When I'm worried about the size and steepness of these mountains that's ego.

When I worry about what I am going to do, how I am going to do it then ego goes out the window.

It's certain we are all going to die many times in our life. A piece of you has to die.

Right now you are going through fucking hell. Its been awful someone ripped your heart out.

I want that version of you that goes through hell, comes out with something to say at the end of it.

That's the version I want. Do I want the version of Sap who hasn't been through that shit? Nah, that's fucking boring.

That's Sap. I don't want that boring. I want the guy who's been to hell and back. I want the man who had to die, come back, resurrect himself, then come back and tell the rest of us how to do that.

I want that guy. I want the guy that is interesting to me. I want the weathered scared man who's been through shit, has interesting things to say.

That man is much more interesting. We learn far far more. We become much stronger from what goes wrong in our lives that from what goes right.

What's going on with you is like a great stew, adding flavor making you more interesting, more complex. It makes you more passionate, it's going to make you kinder, more empathetic to other people, give more to your next relationship.

It's going to make you a much stronger person. If you deal with this, if you fuck with this, what the hell do you have to fear from this? “I've died mother-fucker you can't scare me”.

There's an ego element? Kill the ego. Kill that shit.

You're mourning because it seems you lost the person you're supposed to be with. If she choses to leave you she is not the person you are supposed to be with.

You can be disappointed that she wasn't the person but you can't grieve that she wasn't the person. Because she's not.

You haven't lost the love of your life. That is still to come. Something better is coming for you.